The Highs + Lows of Being A Couple in a Band, With Holy Wars

Emerging alt-rock duo Holy Wars are here to talk about the highs and lows of being a couple in a band.

Bands often compare their interpersonal relationships to being in a marriage, so what is it like when there’s actual romantic interests in play? How does a couple maintain a healthy relationship outside of music while contending with typical issues and friction that comes with being in a band?

Bands fight, they argue, they disagree… and it’s totally natural. They also create timeless music and memories that would fill several lifetimes of any ordinary person.

Before we get some relationship advice and confessions from Holy Wars, first, let’s learn a bit more about the group.

What You Should to Know About Holy Wars

From: Los Angeles, California

First Album: EAT IT UP SPIT IT OUT (2022)

Latest Release: CULT CLASSIC EP (2023)

Holy Wars are a duo who represent another evolution in alternative music, mixing a handful of heavy genres together alongside undulating, beat-backed rhythms.

Starring vocalist Kat Leon and guitarist/producer Nick Perez, the couple are shaking up the scene as one of its most exciting and promising newcomers.

They’ve shared the stage with the likes of Coheed and Cambria, Alkaline Trio and Papa Roach, capable of appealing to differing audiences who may each look for specific qualities in music that other aforementioned acts don’t.

Holy Wars, “Deux Ex Machina” Music Video

A band as a duo is always fascinating on the creative front and the fact that Leon and Perez are also in a relationship offers even more intrigue. It’s not unprecedented for band members to either be dating or married, but it remains a rather rare occurrence.

So, what is it like being a couple in a band? We had to know more and invited Holy Wars to open up about their relationship, reflecting on the highs and lows of making it work amid being creative and touring partners as well.

Read the full interview below.

HOLY WARS, THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF BEING A COUPLE IN A BAND

How long have you been together?

We have been making music together since around 2011, long before Holy Wars. We’ve been in a relationship since 2014.

In starting the band, I actually put out an ad at Musicians Institute in Los Angeles. Nick auditioned and just annihilated everyone else — he was so talented.

I was very new to being in a band and writing music with others versus just sad songs on my piano. I had no idea how influential this person was going to be in my life professionally and personally.

Did your friends think being in a band as a couple was a good idea?

Everyone knew it before us, I guess. No one was surprised when it happened.

When we made it public, I even remember a comment saying, “This is like when [characters on the classic TV sitcom Friends] Ross and Rachel got together.” Our connection and chemistry must have been pretty obvious. We were friends first for three to four years, so it was quite a slow burn.

Of course there were some concerns among friends, bandmates and our team about what would happen if this didn’t work out. Would our personal relationship make it more complicated?

It actually made everything better and stronger. It was the best decision we ever made.

What surprised you (for the better) about your first tour together and how it impacted your relationship?

Our first tour together definitely changed the course for us and to be able to do it with a partner is definitely a fun adventure.

There are still pressures from the tours, shows and scheduling etc… and Nick and I definitely care a lot, so we always put the band and music first on tour.

But finding pockets of time to enjoy being in a new city with all these new experiences just feels more special when you are doing it with someone you care about deeply.

Bands fight. How do you prevent an argument/disagreement about music from spilling over into your personal relationship?

We definitely have to exercise balance.

Sometimes we don’t know when we start and the music ends and vice versa. As opposite in personality as we are, we do share one big similarity where we are workaholics. We have to be creating all the time, from music to videos… I’ll design wardrobe etc., so we are always “in it.”

When it comes to us just having a quiet night and relaxing, we don’t always know how to do that. We talk about the band or anything music related all the time.

Now, we are very conscious about needing more balance and separation of work life and home life so we have a healthier mindset.

For fights… we don’t usually fight. However, we do have disagreements with direction, songs, life, etc., but we always have a healthy respect for one another. Even if one of us is having a bitchy moment, it’s never long lasting and we have so much patience. We just apologize and move on.

When we are touring with our band, it’s like a family. We are mom and dad and they are our children, but we all get along well. We aren’t too relationship-like on tour. It’s just fun and we surround ourselves with great people with a similar mindset that will make the tours smooth.

Holy Wars, “BODY//TEMPLE” Music Video

READ MORE: The 14 Creepiest Love Songs of All Time

What’s the best thing about touring together?

Experiencing this with someone you care deeply about I think is the best thing.

We are making such unforgettable memories and doing it together. I know we will look back one day and say, “Fuck yeah! Look at this life we created and did whatever the fuck we wanted.”

What’s the worst thing about touring together?

Probably because we do care so much, if one of us has a bad show or we just feel “bleh” about something, it affects both of us.

You would feel bad for bandmates or friends having a shitty night, but when it’s your partner you feel it on a deeper level for sure. Nick and I do a good job not making our self-inflicted insecurities and whatnot anyone else’s problem. We know each other the most and can always tell.

Do you have any pets? Who watches them when you’re on the road?

We do! Nibs and Bella.

That is honestly our biggest challenge when we are on the road. We do have sitters but it is hard to find a good sitter. They’re both senior dogs so we have to always find the best person who is willing to house and dog sit for an extended stay.

It also adds up price wise and I’m usually a wreck worrying about them the whole time, but it always works out!

What is one thing about each other you used to take for granted?

I think I have taken for granted how patient Nick is with me when I get dark on things (a true nihilist at heart). When I am disheartened, he is always there to help me through it.

I also experienced losing both of my parents the first year of us dating and he was there for me the whole time. I know I challenged our relationship then, but it made us stronger.

[Nick Perez:] Kat is incredibly fearless and determined. I used to think it was easy for her, but I know she gives her all into everything she does. Her tenacity is unmatched, which is not easy being a nihilist and all. She makes it look easy though.

What do you wish another couple in a band told you before this all started?

Balance and enjoy the ride.

We both have a hard time being present in the moments and/or enjoying each win. I am learning how fast life is going and how lucky we get to do this together.

But it shouldn’t only be about work. It should be about enjoying what we do and enjoying it together. We are both “wake, work, sleep” people and when you are in a relationship with the person, you work.

Thanks to Holy Wars for the interview. Follow the band on X, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Visit the Holy Wars website for tour info and other details.