BBC/Phil Bodmer“There can be occasions where I am talking to my parents on FaceTime and I’ve got a four-year-old climbing up my leg, needing my attention and it’s just how to juggle that,” says Becky Thomson Smith.
With children aged four, seven and 10 she is also balancing the needs of her parents – one of whom has dementia but lives 85 miles away in Derbyshire.
“Dad has gone from somebody who would have helped with many things around the house, to being somebody who can’t really do any of those things anymore,” she explains.
Becky, from Harrogate, is one of more than a million people who act as what has been termed as a sandwich carer, defined as a working-age person looking after children but also caring for older parents or relatives.
As a result of her father’s condition Becky’s mum, 71, has taken on more responsibilities but is increasingly dependent on her for help and advice.
“Mum soundboards everything through me, so every job that needs doing around the house she needs to discuss it with somebody.
“And that is usually me,” she says.
The 37-year-old believes that people in her position need not only more recognition, but also more help to escape what can be a “draining” existence.
“I certainly did not realise that my role in our family was a carer as well as just being a daughter, just being a parent.
“It is unseen, not talked about, not discussed is it.”
‘Such impact’
According to data from Carers UK, which advocates on behalf of people who look after for loved ones, more than 600 people a day leave their jobs due to caring responsibilities
Office for National Statistics research, published in 2023, said about 1.4 million people were acting as sandwich carers over the previous two years.
The research suggested people caring for both children and older relatives were more likely to report financial problems as well as an inability to work as much as they wanted.
The data also suggests that about a fifth of sandwich carers had been diagnosed with depression, compared to 13% in the wider population.
Sherry King set up business Sandwich Generation Support in 2023 after she found herself juggling a full-time NHS job while bringing up three children under the age of six – and caring for her mum who had Alzheimer’s.
She says that with an ageing population, more adults of working age are finding themselves in dual-caring roles.
Raising awareness of what she says can be an isolating situation is one of her goals.
“It’s having such impact on people in terms of lifestyle, in terms of resilience – everything. So the more people that talk about it, the better,” she says.
BBC/Phil BodmerThe 47-year-old, from Leeds, reached out for support, both practical and emotional, after her mother’s diagnosis in 2019.
But she found there was nothing available for her as a sandwich carer, only for her dad as the main carer.
That’s why she decided a set up the business trying to help others like Becky.
At one of the counselling and coaching sessions Becky takes part in, Sherry guides her through the process of activating a Lasting Power of Attorney. (LPA) over a coffee.
The document will help Becky manage her parents’ financial and health affairs when the time comes.
With Becky’s sister living overseas, much of the immediate caring workload for their parents falls on Becky’s shoulders but with growing children and ageing family, that can throw up a number of family dilemmas.
BBC/Phil Bodmer“We’re at a point where we’re looking at secondary schools for our 10-year-old.
“I have a fear that I’m making the wrong choice because should I be looking at a secondary school where my parents live so that we all move down there?
“Can I realistically move a family of five from North Yorkshire down to Derbyshire,” Becky ponders.
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