On August 3th, 2026, as I was writing to wish Professor Robert Thurman a happy birthday, I was saddened to learn that he passed away in Woodstock on June 16th of this year. Now I am wondering whether he will appear in my dreams. Let me explain.
As I slept on August 3rd, 2018, I had a dream that I was in a Tea House being taught Buddhism by Robert Thurman. We were sitting at a table in a modest structure, and he was outlining the precepts for me on a small white board. After our talk, I entered a nearby town, and as I walked among the people, I became aware that I could read their thoughts or feel their emotions. I noticed that there was no judgment, only feelings of kindness and compassion. It was extraordinary. When I wrote about my dream, I got messages on social media that it was Professor Thurman’s birthday!
I didn’t know Professor Thurman well. He is the father of actress Uma Thurman, and the grandfather of actress Maya Hawke, Uma’s daughter with Ethan Hawke. I had met the professor only once or twice and found him to be very intelligent, oddly shy, and personable. But he exuded an energy of kindness that I have felt in only a few other people. I never expected to dream about him. When I wrote about the dream on social media, I received lots of birthday wishes. I had to quickly put out a correction that it was Professor Thurman’s birthday, not mine.
Through a mutual friend, Marjorie Layden, he contacted me and told me about his dream, the same night, of having tea at a table with a goddess (small “g” as in a goddess deity). I was flabbergasted. It is still one of the most astonishing things I have experienced. The table he described and the small place where he had tea with a goddess matched the place in my dreams, except my table was sat up with a white board where he was teaching me Buddhism. He was fascinated as I told him about the town I walked through in my dream after my lesson in Buddhism from him.
I relayed my dream of walking silently through crowds of people on the street, and I told him that as I passed each person I could tell whether they felt isolated and alone or whether they were kind and empathetic. It reminded me of some of the words from Simon & Garfunkel’s song “Sounds of Silence.”
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone…
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence…
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
in the words that it was forming
And the sign said:
“The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence”
We spoke of the need for compassion in the world and of true connection among people. That talk with him is still one of the most profound I can remember having with another. I wish I could remember what he was teaching me about Buddhism in the dream. I do know that the dream served partially as a catalyst for the book I ultimately wrote: It’s Time to Give a FECK: Elevating Humanity Through Forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion and Kindness.
Now that I’ve learned of his passing, I have immersed myself in finding out more about him, and the high points of his life read like a novel. Robert Alexander Farrar Thurman—or Bob, as he told me to call him—was born on August 3rd, 1941 in New York City. He was a former Buddhist monk ordained by the Dalai Lama who earned a doctorate from Harvard in Sanskrit and Indian studies (now called “Indic” Studies). Bob taught at Amherst and Columbia, and it was at the latter university where he presided over the first endowed chair in Buddhist studies in the West, founding the American Institute of Buddhist Studies in 1972. In 1987, he founded Tibet House U.S. along with Richard Gere and Philip Glass.
As an idealistic high schooler at age 17, he left Phillips Exeter Academy without permission to join Fidel Castro in Cuba, but was stopped in Florida before crossing the border. He was expelled from the Academy because of this, but had already been accepted at Harvard, so they honored his previous acceptance. An accident involving a race car claimed Bob’s left eye in 1961, leading him to shift the focus of his life entirely. Briefly, he made his way to India, where he taught English to young reincarnated Tibetan lamas in exile. He spent the rest of his life espousing compassion. And the many astonishments of his life go on and on.
Do you see why I hold out hope that he may somehow appear in my dreams once more?
I extend my deepest condolences to his widow, the former Nena von Schlebrügge; his daughter, Uma Thurman; his sons Ganden, Dechen and Mipam; his daughter from his first marriage, Taya Thurman; and his extended family.
May his teachings about kindness and compassion endure.
