Bride and Groom Sending ‘You Are Not Invited Cards’ Before Their Wedding

A bride and groom have left a family member taken aback after sharing their decision to send “you are not invited cards” to the people who didn’t make the cut on their wedding guest list.

The family member, a cousin, shared their reaction to the surprising news in a recent post on Reddit’s “Wedding Shaming” forum, explaining that the couple is planning a “small garden wedding” at a location five hours away from where everyone lives and has chosen to keep the guest list small due to their tight budget.

For all of their loved ones who are not on the guest list, the bride and groom plan to send cards informing them they are getting married soon and writing, “You are in our hearts on this special day,” according to the family member’s post.

“Their excuse is for the sake of ‘curiosity and thinking of them.’ But what I don’t understand is why send this BEFORE the wedding. It would make more sense AFTER and send it out to them,” they wrote.

As for the people who are getting invites, they will be asked to roll up their sleeves and pitch in with the reception setup, according to the family member’s post.

“I got a text from the couple saying that ‘Everyone has a role to help set up. Once the ceremony is done the wedding party will leave to take photos while the GUESTS set up the tables for the reception,’ ” they shared. “I was like what??? They never ASKED if people are willing to do that as if they just dictated people what to do.”

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. 

The Reddit post garnered more than 100 comments, with most people agreeing that the bride and groom’s actions are off-putting.

“I am always looking for excuses not to go to a wedding, and this one would be a jackpot,” one person wrote, while another echoed that same sentiment, commenting, “I guess the wedding will be smaller than expected because I would definitely send my regrets. Wow — just unbelievable.”

Yet another person joked that the family member should send their own card to the bride and groom with the message: “Dear Cousin, While you are in my heart on your special day, I’m so sorry that I won’t be able to make it. I’ll be traveling to the Antarctica for several months to count how many times penguins breed before laying eggs. Congratulations!”

Several commenters questioned the etiquette and timing of the bride and groom’s “you are not invited cards.”

“Wedding announcements, similar looking to the invite but stating simply that so-and-so & so-and-so WERE married and the date etc., are perfectly acceptable,” one person said. “HOWEVER they are only sent after the wedding with no other information (eg registry, we were thinking of you etc.) included.”

A few people even suggested that the cards could be a veiled attempt to solicit gifts.

“They sent the cards in hopes of getting money and gifts. They using the excuse of ‘so they know we are thinking of them’ to hide that it’s a gift grab,” a commenter argued, while another concurred, “The ‘you’re not invited’ card just feels like they are fishing for extra gifts. Tacky.”