It’s not that I don’t like sandwiches, cakes, scones and pastries. I do, only not in such vast quantities, and not in the middle of the afternoon.
It’s an odd time of day to be eating so much food – it throws your usual routine into disarray. Anticipating the mountains of extremely filling food that you’ll be presented with, you skip lunch and try to ignore your rumbling stomach.
Afternoon tea also messes up your dinner. I look forward to our evening meal, but, had I tucked into a heap of cakes and scones not long before, it would have to be forfeited. Then, of course, by 8pm you feel hungry again.
Then there’s the afternoon tea itself. It is always beautifully presented, with cakes, sandwiches, pastries and other itty bitty delicacies, set out on three-tiered stands. What’s not to like? For me it’s just too much of a sugar overload, not to mention the calories. I’m far from being a weight obsessive, but I don’t want to shoot up a size after just one meal.
I know these days there are many afternoon teas that offer healthier options which are lower in sugar and fat, but it’s certainly not the norm. Historically afternoon tea occasion is associated with refinement and elegance, but in reality it’s a stodge fest with a pot of tea. I know you don’t have to eat everything, but afternoon tea doesn’t come cheap, and it would be silly to not want to get your money’s worth.
Too many sweet treats at the wrong time of day? Picture: Pixabay
I know I’m in the minority, and I should be raving about this special treat, especially as its Afternoon Tea Week. The meal’s popularity is beyond question, after all just about everywhere serves afternoon tea. Not so long ago it was limited to posh hotels and high-end cafes, but now you can get a serving of finger sandwiches, raspberry macarons and mini quiches just about everywhere, from pubs to museums, theme parks and health spas. The latter pairing has always puzzled me – like, as comedian Chubby Brown used to say, eating Slimfast with chips.
The nation loves it, so I apologies to all afternoon tea aficionados – it’s just not for me.
Wouldn’t it be better for afternoon tea to take place at what passes for regular tea time, around 5p? That’s still the afternoon, albeit on the cusp of evening. In all likelihood it would still be a cake-heavy meal, but at least it wouldn’t mess up your lunch.
While we are on the subject of food, another British dining tradition that leaves me confused is brunch. I’ve always understood this to be the period between breakfast and lunch – hence the name – but apparently, nowadays, it can be served from 10am to as late as 4pm. So what if it was served at 12.30pm – would it then be lunch or still brunch? And in my book 10am is breakfast.
A typical brunch includes eggs, whole grain bread, and fresh fruits. Balanced and nutritious dishes such as omelettes, avocado on toast, and fruit salads are popular.
Sounds like a healthy choice, only many of these brunches are ’bottomless’, where, for a fixed price and time, people can enjoy unlimited refills of alcoholic drinks including cocktails. Avocado on toast with all-you-can-drink booze sounds to me like a precursor for a night in police cells.
Bottomless brunch is be banned in Scotland where licensing laws prohibit promotions offering unlimited amounts of alcohol. Quite right too, the rest of the UK should follow suit. And surely there’s a case for afternoon tea ,with its unlimited amounts of Victoria sponge…
